Imagine you go out on a date. The guy or gal is charming, you get on like a house on fire, you want to see them again but you still feel that something is missing. You can't put your finger on it and you can't understand why you don't fancy them more than you do. You are naturally disappointed because you clearly like one another. Well, there's an important reason for that.
Everyone knows that for two individuals to be attracted to each other there has to be some kind of 'chemistry' between them, that elusive ingredient that allows relationships to form. Romantic chemistry is usually seen in a one-dimensional light, where one either experiences it, or one doesn't. But real chemistry isn't as flat and predictable as that. Real chemistry is more complex with a hidden secret.
The secret of chemistry between any couple is that it has TWO parts: physical and emotional. If you meet someone where you are physically attracted to them that's the easy part because most of the instant chemistry we feel on meeting someone is purely physical. The real element of chemistry that matters comes in the emotional bonding which is often not in evidence because we don't bond easily with strangers unless our values, aspirations and expectations align together. That is why when we meet someone where the chemistry is both physical and emotional we are blown away by the force of it. That's when we get the butterflies and hear the bells and whistles, when we want to sit on the phone with that person forever, to have their company as much as possible and to bask continuously in their aura.
Relationships that last months rather than years have the physical chemistry in abundance. Those that last a long time have the emotional chemistry too, either from the very beginning or built up over time. We might be attracted to someone physically but we cannot conjure up emotional chemistry unless it is there in some form at the outset. Often one person feels that emotion but the other person doesn't, which then causes a mismatch in behaviour between them. Some people also believe that chemistry is something that will gradually unfold between a couple but that is rare. Chemistry is electric and instant. It is either there or it isn't and when it is forced at the beginning that's how problems develop later on in the relationship because one person in the union is bound to be dissatisfied and will continue to secretly seek that chemistry elsewhere.
Chemistry is an elusive element in love but when it is in evidence it is truly awesome, especially in both forms!
Elaine Sihera (Ms CYPRAH)
Emotional Health Adviser
"Respect and love begin with the self. If we have none, how can we give away any?"